“This will be the album cover for my greatest hits” Lindsay whispered as she wiped the cocaine withdrawal sweats off of her leathery forehead with the wrinkled issue of Star magazine with her mugshot gracing the cover

“GET UP NOW” Lindsay Lohan shouted as she furiously threw a bottle of mouthwash at the wall above the bed where Macaulay Culkin slept. Lindsay’s extreme fits of rage were directly due to the fact that she had been court ordered to stop consuming alcoholic beverages. She now had to rely on getting her fix through drinking endless bottles of mouthwash instead.
Macaulay turned over and attempted to read the bright red numbers on the clock through his eyelashes as they blurred in and out of focus. 5:01 am. He was late for their morning work out session. “Lindsay i’m so sorry. I thought I had done enough coke last night to keep me up for days” he said with sincerity. “FUCK. YOU.” Lindsay shouted from across the room, “You know in order to slip this ankle monitor off I have to lose 15 pounds by the end of this week! Now hurry and eat your breakfast so we can get going!” she demanded as she set a single cheerio on the table beside him.
As he slowly nibbled along the edge of the cheerio he quietly prayed to himself “Dear lord Lil’B, almighty Based God, please provide me with enough thinspiration to hold me over until my next coke binge”. As he concluded the prayer his yearning to be frail, thin and weak grew stronger. He then dropped the half eaten cheerio back onto the bedside table asking “Anyone want my leftovers?”. He hopped out of bed and grabbed his gym bag only to be taken aback by the powerful grip of Lindsay’s sharp skeleton-like fingers piercing into what disintegrating arm muscle he had left. “I will NOT allow you to thinsappoint me” she whispered while maintaining dead, but icy eye contact.l